Mens 2XI Vs UWE Men's 4tth

Plymouth Uni Hockey Conquest in Bristol 

The Match day started with a crisp smell of dampness from the monsoon Plymouth skies left the night before. Up bright and early were Both the Mens and Ladies 2s who were in action today, sharing the coach ever so early coach to the fake uni, UWE. The day did not start well with the well slept athletes being made to wait for the basketball team who thought it was funny to turn up late to the meet like the Americans in WW2. Alas we got going on one of the shorter away games the 2s have endured this season. 

The two teams arrived at the pitch with a collective sigh, as they remembered this was the pitch filled with Eukaryotes infesting the pitch making it like a swamp, with the smell similar to the sweat fest of the walkabout dance floor. The ladies two’s started the day in hope to start turning their fortune of results around. It didn’t take long for the new stand in coach Lewis-Gunn-Colling’s tactics to start working. The ladies dominated the game from start to finish winning 12-0 with a Hat trick from the ‘not so welsh anymore’ Nerys and not to mention Fresher Tato also put in a stunning performance by having revenge on the English by starving the UWE team of Joy 

A notable mention from the support in the stands by the Mens 2s with some great songs and celebrations for the ladies goals. 

It was time for the Super 2s to embark on what turned out to be bigger conquest than Barnes’ baffling success rate in walkabout. The team before the match knew what needed to be accomplished, Score goals, lots of them, to keep the pressure on Exeter. 

The Game started slow with Plymouth creating chances but like Fuhrer on a Saturday night in the SU, the finishing was poor. Vice Skipper, Dumbo, opened up the scoring with some finesse along the base line to what lead to the Empyreal opening up for the Rangers. The plausibility for success was apparent when minutes later Skipper Gunn-Colling unleashed a snail paced drag which confused the keeper who stood in shock and let it passed out of sympathy. Joc scored his first of 6 well taken goals moments after the Captain’s goal. 

Doug with his first touch of the match slotted the ball between the keeper’s legs from a perfectly weighted ball from Joc. Other Goals come from Lewis with a P flick and VC Dumbo. 

Half time came quickly, some would say 5 minutes quicker than usual, and with Plymouth 7-0 up, Half time was used to collaborate about scoring more goals and possible celebrations. 

The second half started as the first half ended. The 2s dominance carried on with more goals. Lewis, in search for his first ever hat trick, was a bit of an Ubiquarian on the pitch. His efforts paid off when an unselfish Dumbo passed to the Skipper who slotted past the keeper completing the magic he has been waiting for his entire career. Lewis later repaid the favour by passing to the mythical elephant who unleashed the fury within his stick, nearly taking the keepers head clean off. Joc rounded up his double hat trick with a well worked short corner which saw him deflecting it passed the deflated keeper. 

Wondermonger Toddy carried on his Messi like passing by fizzing some past the back post which the UWE defence, which involved ex UPHC member D2, could not deal with. However, none were converted despite the training in the navy seal training weather at fort Lipson. Toddy, in a post match interview, expressed his feelings towards the game. 

“It was the most boring game I have played in. I was so bored. I even tried playing at left back but that was shit so in the end I did what I wanted” 

The Match ended with the Super 2s winning 14-0 with MOM Dumbo putting in a worthy performance. 

DOD was given to the Skipper for his unbelievably funny celebration from the stands.